Ed Tries To Look Like A Nun In A Knocking Shop

Trouble is the government-business intersection always looks dodgy – and often is – I’ve put some juicy morsels the way of  ex-mates in industry and anticipate some improvement to my post-Ministerial lifestyle as a result.

Business involves introduction fees, finders fees, facilitation fees, commissions etc etc and I’ve now got my staff going through the records of every transaction I’ve been involved with since becoming a Minister.

Shredding, losing, dumping, incinerating, hacking, wiping, even alteration is the name of the game. By the time an investigation is under way I’ll be clean as a whistle.

I get Greaser Grimes on the burner blower.

“Look Greaser I want you to make it look from your end as if I’ve never met you.”

“Sod off to you too Ed,”

“No I don’t mean like that, Greaser, it’s just the political climate – the knives are out for all politicians who have business dealings with anyone – it’s not personal.”

“Yeah I’ve got enough to put send you down, you old crook.”

“Leave it off Greaser. Do what you need to do and we’ll get together when all this is over.”

“When I’ve got my CBE.”

“What have you done to deserve a CBE.”

“Bugger all Ed but I’m getting on now and I want a bit of respectability – not much – not a knighthood, not a peerage, just a CBE.”

“All right Greaser get the clean-up done and I’ll fix it for you.”

“No Ed, I want the gong first. Your choice – a medal for me or a few years inside.”

Oh dear. I am trapped by my peccadilloes, as are most of us, it seems a politician with a clean reputation is as rare as a nun in a knocking shop.

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